The Trifecta of Effectiveness: Relationships (Part 4)

Serialized from The Trifecta of Effectiveness: How a Badass Cubicle Dweller Optimizes Tools, Mindset, and Relationships and from Contracting for Rapid Acquisition: A Practical and Personal Guide to Disrupting the Status Quo for a More Responsive Future by Lorna E. Tedder

Throughout this series, I’ve explored how tools and mindset form two critical legs of the acquisition effectiveness trifecta. Now it’s time to examine the final component—the catalyst that transforms good practices into exceptional outcomes: relationships.

The Overlooked Multiplier

When acquisition professionals talk about improving results, conversation typically revolves around better tools or more innovative thinking. Rarely do we acknowledge how relationships function as force multipliers in our work. Yet in my decades of experience, I’ve found that relationships—genuine, reciprocal connections—often make the difference between moderate success and extraordinary achievement.

This isn’t about casual networking or collecting business cards at conferences. Those surface-level connections have their place, but I’m talking about something more meaningful: intentionally cultivated partnerships based on mutual support and understanding. These are the professional equivalents of allies you can call at 2 AM—not because they owe you, but because you’ve built real trust.

From Transaction to Transformation

Consider an everyday example from my personal life. Before the pandemic, I frequented a family restaurant weekly. They recognized me, but our interaction was purely transactional—I handed over money, they provided food with 80s music playing in the background.

When they reopened after lockdowns with drastically fewer customers, our relationship evolved through authentic conversation. After hearing my health concerns, they created accommodations without my asking—contactless takeout options and eventually a secluded outdoor space where I could safely enjoy my weekly meal beneath oak trees.

At this point, they knew my name, asked about my elderly mother, and never mixed up my order. I’d become a loyal patron who consistently tipped generously. We had moved beyond the transaction to build something mutually beneficial—they provided personalized service, and I offered reliable support to their business.

This transformation mirrors what happens in acquisition when we elevate professional interactions from procedural exchanges to genuine partnerships. The results can be extraordinary. We stop merely fulfilling requirements and start co-creating outcomes.

Investing Before the Crisis

One principle I emphasize in workshops is building relationship capital before you need to make a withdrawal. This investment approach has saved me repeatedly throughout my career.

A personal example: When selling my home a few years back, I experienced a severe reaction to medication that left me physically incapable of handling the necessary preparations. As the hot market slipped away and financial stress mounted, my expected support network was nowhere to be found. Physical labor and friendships don’t always mix well.

Unexpected help arrived through a house cleaner who’d worked for me for years while I pulled massive overtime hours for DoD. Now, with her new husband’s assistance, she stepped in during this critical time and helped me prepare the house.

When she moved away shortly after I finally sold the property, our goodbye conversation revealed something I’d never known. During a difficult period when her first husband had abandoned her and their children, my weekly cleaning payments—which I’d always supplemented with bonuses—had literally fed her family. She’d kept her troubles to herself. Without realizing it, I’d been her lifeline during her crisis, and years later, she became mine.

These relationship dividends often materialize in unexpected ways and at unexpected times. The investment is rarely wasted. We don’t always see the full impact of our presence—or our absence—until it matters most.

The Desperate Neighbor Test

Program managers frequently express frustration about contracting officers who won’t “get on board” with their ideas. Yet when I dig deeper, I discover these PMs typically haven’t invested in understanding the CO’s perspective, constraints, or priorities. They’re essentially strangers demanding favors.

This reminds me of an incident after I moved to my historic bungalow. Working from my windowed porch with visibility to the street, I answered the door expecting a delivery driver. Instead, I found an elderly man with a trembling voice and a cane—someone I didn’t recognize despite having met most neighbors.

He launched into an elaborate story about his wife stranded in another country after her parents’ funerals, needing $10,000 to bring her home and promising me $15,000 in return. From my desk, I watched as he systematically approached every house on the street with the same pitch. Never saw him again.

It was a local scam—this happens frequently in my neighborhood—but this experience sparked a thought experiment: What if he actually had been a neighbor in genuine distress? How tragic would it be to desperately seek help from your community only to be met with suspicion and closed doors because you’d never established any prior connection?

This scenario parallels what happens when program offices approach contracting with urgent, last-minute requests without having cultivated relationships beforehand. Without established trust, even legitimate needs trigger skepticism. Relationships aren’t just a nice-to-have; they are infrastructure for crisis response.

The 2 AM Flat Tire Principle

I sometimes pose this scenario in my workshops: It’s 2 AM during a thunderstorm, you’re an hour from home with a flat tire, and your roadside assistance isn’t available. You can make one call for help. Who would you choose?

Would you call someone whose name you vaguely recall from LinkedIn? Or would you call the colleague you’ve assisted multiple times and regularly meet for lunch?

If you call someone you have no prior relationship with or a very shallow one, they’re likely to ask who you are and why you’re calling them to get out of bed and help you.

This “2 AM test” crystallizes why relationship-building matters in acquisition. When urgent requirements emerge or crises strike, the depth of your professional relationships often determines your ability to navigate challenges successfully. It’s not about having someone in your phone’s contact list—it’s about whether that person is willing to roll out of bed to help you.

Breaking Down External Barriers

Effective acquisition requires collaboration across organizational boundaries, particularly with industry and academia. Yet many acquisition professionals limit their outreach to formal channels, like SAM.gov, missing countless potential partners who don’t monitor government portals.

To bridge this gap, we need to meet external stakeholders where they are. This means sharing opportunities through industry consortia, professional associations, relevant social media channels, and innovation hubs. It means creating flexible entry points for non-traditional contractors who might bring revolutionary solutions but lack familiarity with government processes.

I’ve seen extraordinary results from educational partnership agreements with research institutions and targeted outreach to specialized communities through innovation hubs, like SOFWERX. These efforts tap into capabilities that would remain inaccessible through standard channels alone. Outreach isn’t about checking boxes—it’s about designing your message for the audience you want, not just the audience you have.

Dismantling Internal Silos

While external collaboration gets considerable attention, internal relationships often suffer greater neglect—with more serious consequences. The functional silos of government acquisition (program management, contracting, finance, legal, etc.) frequently operate as isolated centers of excellence without appreciating their interdependence.

When these specialists fail to understand each other’s challenges and constraints, the mission suffers. Contracting professionals need contextual understanding of what they’re buying and why it matters. Program managers need appreciation for the legal framework contracting officers must navigate. Without this mutual comprehension, friction and delays become inevitable.

Most contracting officers don’t wake up planning to obstruct mission requirements. They’re not deliberately creating bureaucratic roadblocks for entertainment. If their purpose were making program managers miserable, they’d likely find approaches that are actually fun for them. Understanding this reality is the first step toward productive partnership. Appreciation for each other’s roles isn’t just about kindness—it’s operationally essential.

The Missing Slice of Cake

One experience fundamentally shaped my approach to internal relationships. As a procurement analyst in our policy office, I routinely helped a nearby contracting office improve their documentation and successfully navigate reviews. I drafted protest responses, trained their staff, and made myself consistently available. I rolled up my sleeves, so to speak, and took workload off them as much as possible.

One afternoon, I heard celebration erupting from their office—just twenty feet from my desk. They were marking a major protest victory with a party including program managers and leadership. I’d written most of their successful defense yet received neither an invitation nor even a slice of cake.

This seemingly small oversight delivered a powerful lesson that influenced my leadership approach. When I later ran my own contracting division, I made inclusion a priority. I invited pricing analysts, legal counsel, small business specialists, and others to witness firsthand what we were buying or attend demonstrations of funded technologies.

The impact was transformative. When our legal counsel—who had thirty years of experience—joined me for a live-fire test, he became emotional. No one had ever shown him the real-world application of what he supported through legal opinions. After that experience, he became our strongest advocate when we proposed innovative approaches, because he understood the mission context in ways paperwork alone could never convey. Inclusion isn’t about cake—it’s about connection, visibility, and purpose.

Cultivating the Third Leg

The trifecta’s first two components—tools and mindset—equip you with capabilities and the courage to use them. But relationships provide the acceleration and amplification that transform competent performance into exceptional achievement.

Consider the contracting officer who pushes you to complete paperwork by noon so they can execute an award, then discovers at 9 PM that you left for the day at 3 PM and aren’t answering calls while they’re still working to meet your timeline. How enthusiastic will they be about your next urgent request?

Effective relationships require reciprocity. They thrive when all parties recognize and address each other’s needs rather than engaging solely when they want something. This mutual support creates a reservoir of goodwill that proves invaluable during inevitable crises and challenges. You do not want to be the person who contacts a colleague and their muttered response is, “Ugh, they must want something.”

And if you’ve ever been that person thinking, “They only call when they want something,” ask yourself: When was the last time I reached out just to offer help, context, or appreciation?

The Complete Formula

The trifecta works because each component addresses a different dimension of acquisition excellence. Tools provide methods and capabilities. Mindset supplies the perspective and courage to apply those tools effectively. Relationships create the collaborative network that accelerates progress and overcomes obstacles.

When acquisition professionals master all three elements—becoming technically proficient, adopting a balanced risk perspective, and cultivating strong relationships—they achieve results that would be impossible through any single approach. These professionals don’t just process contracts; they enable mission success.

If you’ve read all four parts of this series, consider: Which leg of your trifecta is the strongest? Which one needs attention? What’s one action you could take this week to strengthen that weak link—whether it’s mastering a new tool, reframing your mindset, or reaching out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while?

The next time you face a challenging acquisition, examine which leg of your trifecta might need strengthening. Do you lack the right tools? Is your mindset creating unnecessary constraints? Or have you neglected the relationships that could transform your path forward?

Balancing all three elements transforms the ordinary contracting officer into an extraordinary acquisition enabler—a true “badass cubicle dweller” who delivers capabilities that matter precisely when they matter most. That’s the power of the complete trifecta.